In this guide
- What delayed ejaculation is, and what it is not
- How common it really is
- The causes: medicine, body and mind
- The masturbation and porn question
- Why it is not a “superpower”
- How it affects partners
- What treatment looks like
- When to see a doctor
- My take
I get many messages from men who want to last longer. I get fewer, but much more serious ones, from men with the opposite problem. They can get an erection, they want to finish, and it does not happen, or it takes so long that sex becomes exhausting, painful or something they start to avoid.
Some of their friends laugh and say “I wish I had your problem.” That is exactly why these men do not talk about it. So let me take it seriously. Delayed ejaculation is a real, recognised condition, it has known causes, and it can usually be improved.
As always: I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice, and the facts below come from the NHS, Mayo Clinic, urology guidelines and published research. The opinions are mine.
What delayed ejaculation is, and what it is not
The NHS describes delayed ejaculation, also called male orgasmic disorder, as either:
- experiencing a significant delay before ejaculation, or
- being unable to ejaculate at all, even though the man wants to and his erection is normal.
It also gives a useful rule of thumb: you may have delayed ejaculation if you are unable to ejaculate more than half the times you have sex (NHS).
Mayo Clinic adds that it can be a brief or a lifelong problem, and that some men cannot ejaculate at all (Mayo Clinic).
What it is not: occasionally taking a long time, not finishing once when you were tired or drunk, or choosing not to finish. Bodies vary. The condition is about a consistent pattern that bothers you or your partner.
How common it really is
Because doctors have used different definitions over the years, the numbers vary. The European Association of Urology guidelines summarise the best evidence like this (EAU Guidelines):
- Around 3% of sexually active men in well-designed studies.
- Lifelong delayed ejaculation, present from the first sexual experiences, at about 1%.
- Acquired delayed ejaculation, which starts later in life, at about 4%.
- In one US sample of men aged 57 to 85, 20% reported an inability to climax.
A newer study gives a fresh picture. In 2023, the Japanese Society for Sexual Medicine surveyed men aged 20 to 79 nationwide. Among 5,331 sexually active men, the prevalence of delayed ejaculation was 5.16%. More than half of those affected wanted treatment, but only about 12% actually saw a doctor (Sexual Medicine, 2025).
That last number is the one that stays with me. Most men with this problem live with it in silence.
Delayed ejaculation is not rare enough to be weird and not common enough to be talked about. That is the worst combination.
The causes: medicine, body and mind
Both the NHS and Mayo Clinic say the causes can be physical, psychological or, very often, both.
Medicines and substances. This is one of the most common causes, and the easiest to miss. The NHS lists antidepressants, particularly SSRIs, some blood pressure medicines such as beta-blockers, and antipsychotics. Mayo Clinic adds some diuretics, some anti-seizure medicines and too much alcohol. If the problem started after a new prescription, tell your doctor. Never stop a medicine on your own.
Physical conditions. The NHS mentions diabetes, spinal cord injuries, multiple sclerosis, bladder or prostate surgery and increasing age. Mayo Clinic adds infections, nerve damage, low thyroid hormone and low testosterone, and retrograde ejaculation, when semen goes backwards into the bladder.
Psychological and relationship factors. Depression, anxiety, stress, performance pressure, poor body image, cultural or religious taboos, problems in the relationship and, in Mayo Clinic’s words, “differences between the reality of sex with a partner and sexual fantasies.”
The Japanese study found several of these together. Factors associated with delayed ejaculation included psychotropic drug use, pelvic trauma, low satisfaction with the relationship, erectile dysfunction, neurological disease, obesity and a high frequency of masturbation.
The masturbation and porn question
This is where men get defensive, so I will be careful. There is a theory among sex therapists that some men train their bodies to respond to a very specific stimulation, a tight grip, a fast speed, a certain fantasy or type of video, and that partnered sex simply does not match it. In the Japanese study, a high frequency of masturbation was associated with delayed ejaculation, although the effect was modest (odds ratio about 1.24) and an association is not proof.
From inside the porn industry, I will add my opinion. What you see on screen is a performance designed for the camera. If your arousal has become tied to extreme novelty or a specific routine, real sex with a real person, who is softer, slower and not edited, can feel less intense. That does not mean porn is evil or that you must give it up forever. It means it is worth noticing your habits and, if you have this problem, talking to a professional about them. I discuss the evidence on porn and erections in erectile dysfunction in young men.
Why it is not a “superpower”
In my world, people sometimes assume that a man who takes a long time is a perfect performer. But there is a big difference between control and inability.
A performer with control can choose when to finish. A man with delayed ejaculation cannot. For him, long sessions are often frustrating rather than fun. He may lose his erection before he finishes, feel numb, get sore, or start faking orgasm to end it. Mayo Clinic notes that it can lead to stress, relationship problems and, for couples who want children, fertility concerns.
So please, if your friend tells you about this, do not say “lucky you.”
How it affects partners
Partners often take it personally. They think, “He is not attracted to me” or “I am doing something wrong.” Usually neither is true, and that is why talking about it is important.
What helps:
- Say it out loud. “This is something my body does, it is not about you” can change everything.
- Change the goal. Sex does not have to end with a male orgasm to be good.
- Reduce pressure. The more he tries to force it, the less likely it is.
- Go together. Many therapists prefer to see couples, not just the man.
What treatment looks like
Treatment depends on the cause, which is why a proper assessment matters. A doctor will usually:
- Review your medicines. Sometimes a dose change or an alternative helps; this must be done by the prescriber.
- Check for physical causes, such as blood sugar, thyroid and testosterone levels, and nerve problems.
- Ask about alcohol and drugs.
- Discuss psychological and relationship factors.
The NHS notes that psychosexual therapy is often helpful for ejaculation problems, and that the cause is frequently psychological (NHS). A therapist may suggest changing masturbation habits for a while, exercises to reconnect with sensation, and techniques for couples.
There is no medicine specifically licensed to treat delayed ejaculation. Some drugs are used by specialists in particular cases, but this is specialist territory. Be very suspicious of any supplement or online product that promises to fix it.
When to see a doctor
See a GP or a sexual health clinic if:
- You cannot ejaculate during sex more than half the time, and it bothers you or your partner.
- The problem started after a new medicine.
- You also notice reduced desire, erection problems, pain, or blood in your semen.
- You and your partner are trying to conceive.
- It is affecting your mood or your relationship.
My take
The world of sex advice is obsessed with one thing: lasting longer. Pills, sprays, courses. But real sexual health is about choice, being able to enjoy sex and finish when you want to, not about the stopwatch.
If you are a man with delayed ejaculation, you are not alone, you are not broken and you are not less of a man. Roughly one in twenty men may have something similar, and most of them never ask for help. Be one of the ones who does. And if you want to understand how the timing you see on screen is really produced, read is porn real? behind the scenes and my guide on the refractory period.
For the real stories of the women of this industry, read my columns on House of Maximo.
To follow my work, visit maximogarciaworld.com, and for the 18+ side, fuckingpornstars.net.
Sources
- NHS. Ejaculation problems.
- Mayo Clinic. Delayed ejaculation: symptoms and causes.
- European Association of Urology. Guidelines on Sexual and Reproductive Health: epidemiology and prevalence.
- Prevalence and associated factors of delayed ejaculation: a nationwide internet-based survey in Japan. Sexual Medicine, 2025.
- Epidemiology of delayed ejaculation. Review article, PubMed Central.
